dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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