It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
