wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
