i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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