About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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