I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
