shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
