jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
