What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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