Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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