i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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