respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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