I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize