So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
