Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
