You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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