Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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