Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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