she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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