i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
are you so shy because you have an std?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
