I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize