Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
