i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
