im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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