do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
