im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
