I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize