we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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