that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
