Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
COCAINE IS GR8
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