If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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