How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
