He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize