I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
