all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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