my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
apparently the secret to your success is patron
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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