Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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