Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize