At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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