:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
