ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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