jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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