he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
