I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
