I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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