My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
