getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
