I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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