i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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