You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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