So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
