dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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