Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
