It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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