my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
