normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
