Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
