I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
