Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
