What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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