here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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