It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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