Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
