My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
