is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
