My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
