Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
