Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
