i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
