its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
