Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize