Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
