i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
