the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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