I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
