at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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